What Causes Anger?

Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination of two factors: an irrational perception of reality (“It has to be done my way”) and a low frustration point (“It’s my way or no way”). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that the reason they are angry is because of their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world that they live in and when that reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become angry.

It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy. Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes destructive.

Why We Need to Control Anger

Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug—-a person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize, comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think clearly and your emotions take control of your actions. Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options facilitates a good negotiation.

Internal Sources of Anger

Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types of thinking that contribute to anger.

1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to dysfunctional anger in the long run.

2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low. Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to our well-being or threats to our ego.

3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they see things as how they should be and not as they really are. This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner. When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration, and eventually depression set in.

4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone else. By rating someone as a “bitch” or a “bastard,” it dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at the person.

External Sources Of Anger

There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general events.

1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.

2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our ideas, opinions, and options.

3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e. “I’ll make sure you’ll never work in this city again.”

4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things done might be low or affected by any number of environmental factors in our lives.

Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance

1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.

2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or anyone else.

3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain processes information and can make a person more irritable or bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger anger.

4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called “having a bad day.” It’s the little irritations that add up during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle, spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.

Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger

By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are some symptoms of anger:

1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and neck.

2. Teeth grinding

3. Breathing rate increases dramatically

4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an increase in blood pressure

5. Face turns pale

6. Sweating

7. Feeling hot or cold

8. Shaking in the hands

9. Goosebumps

10. Heart rate increases

11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of power.

Am I Right to be Angry?

Damn right you are. You have your own perception and expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike, then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are going to run into situations that you don’t enjoy. You are going to run into people who don’t respect your views and ideas. The feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs and so don’t repress or deny those feelings.

Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You can’t change the views of other people to conform to your own because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.

Key Points

Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and thinking logically.

Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of reality and a low frustration point.

Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you lose the agreement.

 

Try These Anger Management Techniques

Do you find yourself becoming angry at the least little thing? Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper unnecessarily again.

Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain

When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances around to see how you would want to be treated if the other person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and cause external damage.

You also can try traditional anger management techniques to soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten, before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to think about the best approach to a problem rather than responding with random anger.

Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off

In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five- or ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the more popular and useful anger management techniques.

Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more anger management techniques used by thousands.

Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your breast.

 

How to Teach Anger Management to Your Child

Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around us, due to intolerance, and many of us blame it on somebody else. Parents teach their children, all the time, and when one of us displays “road rage,” while our child is in the car, we teach a brand new skill set.

Although, road rage is inappropriate behavior, at any time, and can get you killed, most children who are exposed to it, will duplicate the actions of their parents, when they are old enough to drive.

So the first step, is to set an example and, possibly, use some of these ideas, for yourself. Studies show that anger causes atherosclerosis, the build-up of plaques in the arteries, that is a major factor in developing high blood pressure, heart disease, heart attack, and premature death.

Also, during a “temper tantrum,” adrenaline and blood pressure levels rise beyond normal. This behavior is more dangerous to parent’s bodies due to the normal “wear and tear” already existing.

Now, you may be convinced that anger can kill you, but let’s look at one more factor. You could hurt someone else, find yourself in prison, or get yourself killed due to inciting violence against others. There are other people, who are having difficulty dealing with anger management too.

Back to our children: All children need exercise and they are naturally full of energy. Look at any other species, and you will see the same behavior. Should we drug our dogs, cats, and parrots, when they display youthful exuberance?

Children have to run, jump, and shout. So let them play in the back yard, in a park, and get them involved in sports, Yoga, dance, or martial arts. You will never regret letting your child enjoy life, constructively learn in the process, and just be a kid.

For all of us, there is a time to be quiet and a time to shout. Children need years to learn this, so let’s keep them active in the process. Keep them away from the television, Internet, and video games, except for “rainy days.” Coloring books, board games, and reading are also good activities for rainy days.

A heavy bag is a great tool for letting anger out. You and your child can use it together. You can learn to punch and kick it, for the aerobic benefits, as well. If you have a friend who is a boxer or martial artist, you could get some pointers. After just a 20-minute session, I guarantee you, and your child, will have dealt with anger - there will be little, if any, left.

Teach your child forgiveness, through your own example. I am not asking you to let people “walk all over you.” However, let grudges go; life is really too short to keep a feud going.

You can also control your child’s “circle of friends,” just by getting him or her involved in, group activities such as: League sports, dance, yoga, or martial arts. The parents who have their children in these activities want the best for them and are willing to sacrifice their time, or money, to get it.

This will keep your child busy, happy, and active, with a pre-selected crowd of friends, who have parents that care. This is a “win – win” situation and well worth the investment.

This is not to say that every child you run into, at these functions, will be perfect, but in the above mentioned activities, all of them are structured, adult-supervised, and rules for behavior are in place. This form of organization becomes a habit, your child will follow these guidelines, and bring them home.

Here is another idea that will help. Have your child take care of a pet or a plant, every day. Children love to care for animals or plants, but they still need supervision. The result of this will be, your child learns compassion.

Compassion will keep anger “in check” every time.

 

Anger Mangement: Some Basic Tips

Just the other day I saw a t-shirt that said:

"My anger management class pissed me off."

Learning to or having to manage your anger can be no fun.

A wake up call

You get angry, I get angry, all God's children get angry. It's what we do with our anger that makes all the difference.

Our children can be wonderfully humbling mirrors.

After a prolonged temper tantrum resulted in our son missing out on a fun event, I actually heard this coming out of my mouth:

“When you decide to stay angry you can miss out on a lot of good stuff.”

A true case of the pot calling the kettle black.

How to stay angry

• Focus on the event that made you angry by playing it over and over again in your head.
• Focus on the injustice of it all.
• Tell lots of people about it until you find someone that completely agrees with you.
• Refuse to accept any responsibility for the situation or look at your part or contribution.

How to move past anger

• Feel the anger and then let it go.
• Get it that life is not fair and never will be
• Take responsibility for your part in the situation.
• Consider what you can legitimately do about the situation, do it, and then move on.

Staying angry or moving on to the good stuff is your choice.

 

7 Steps For Melting Anger On The Spot

Anger is a lethal force that undermines our lives in all kinds of ways. Sometimes it erupts openly and other times anger camouflages it and covertly undermines your life. Some experience anger as strength and power. They feel it is necessary in order to maintain control. Others assume they have the right to express anger towards those in their lives. These are some of the lies anger tells us. In fact, when we are angry we are out of control and our ability to respond wisely is diminished.

Here are 7 steps for handling anger on the spot.

Step 1: Realize that anger is a choice you make

Anger is not a form of power, strength, or control. It is a toxin. Sometimes it provides a temporary high. After this high subsides, we are left weaker and more uncertain than before. Not only that, there are often negative consequences that have to be handled.

Basically anger narrows your focus, creates confusion and limits your ability to find constructive solutions. When anger arises, stop, breathe deeply, and immediately look at the larger perspective. Put the incident in context. For a moment, allow the other person to be "right". Tell yourself you have plenty of time to be right later. Your main goal is to have the anger subside so you can see the whole picture clearly.

Step 2: Become aware of the 24 forms of anger

Anger camouflages itself and finds many covert ways of manifesting. Unrecognized anger turns into all kinds of unwanted behavior. When these behaviors are not understood it is very difficult to correct them. Awareness is important in making necessary changes.

Some of the 24 forms of anger are: depression, passive aggressive behavior, compulsions, perfectionism, gossiping and certain kinds of competition at the workplace. When you realize that these are being fuelled by anger, you can take appropriate steps to handle them.

Step 3: Start Relationship Balancing

Relationship Balancing is the natural flow of energy, support and inspiration between individuals. When this flow is balanced individuals operate at their maximum level. When the flow is blocked or out of balance, individuals become depressed, apathetic, sick and resentful. When one feels needed and acknowledged, there is no end to their ability to tap their full potential. Envision balanced relationships. Write down what this means to you and notice how it compares to the reality of your particular situation. This initial step provides a map and new focus. It provides a direction to move in.

Step 4: Discover Your Relationship Balancing Quotient

List each individual you interact with. Score each person on the following questions from 1-10. See for yourself what is going on.

a) I I feel at ease with this person.
b) I trust this person.
c) I communicate naturally with this person.
d) I understand what they're communicating to me.
e) I am able to ask this person for what I want from them.
f) I am able to give this person what they want from me.

Assess exactly what is going on in your important relationships. Take a look at what you want from each relationship. Separate your needs and wants. Start communicating your feelings in a responsible manner and asking for what you really need and want. Start truly listening to the other, to who they actually are, not your images or agendas for them.

We can often be in a relationship with a person for a long time and not even begin to know who they truly are. As you begin taking the steps above, you will make natural adjustments in getting this relationship back on track.

Step 5: Stop Casting Blame

Blaming others is one of the largest factors in causing imbalance in your relationships and keeping the anger going. Stop casting blame. By blaming others you are disempowering yourself. By taking responsibility you are taking back control. Stop a moment and see the situation through your opponent's eyes. When you do this blame dissolves on the spot. Also, remember, the best defense against being hurt is to feel good about yourself and the way a person responds to you says more about them, than about you.

As you stop casting blame you will be letting go of all kinds of resentments. Resentment inevitably affects our well-being and always bounces back on us. Look for and find what is positive in each individual. Focus on that.

Step 6 - Create Realistic Expectations

There is nothing that makes us more angry and hurt than expectations we've been holding onto that have not been met. It is important that you become aware of what your expectations are for your relationships. Are they realistic? Does the other person hold expectations that are similar? Let go of unrealistic fantasies. Once this is done, much opportunity for anger diminishes on the spot.

Step 7 – Develop A Grateful Mind

See what different people in your lives are truly giving to you. We often take many things for granted and are even unaware of all that we are receiving day by day. Take time to write down each day what you are receiving. Be grateful for that. Make a point of giving thanks. The more we thank others, the happier we become. Also, take time to write down all that you have given others that day. It may be a surprise. We often think we are giving so much and receiving so little. This is a great cause of anger, deprivation and emptiness within. However, when we take time daily to write it down and look at it carefully, we are often surprised and how much we have received and how little given in return. As we look at it carefully, and balance these two activities, we learn to take pleasure both in what we have given and what has been received.

 

The Secret of an Efficient Secretary

Arnold Bennett, the British novelist, had a publisher who boasted about the extraordinary efficiency of his secretary. One day while visiting the publisher's office, Bennett asked her: "Your boss claims you're extremely efficient. What's your secret?"

 

"It's not my secret," said the secretary, "it's his." Each time she did something for him, no matter how insignificant, she explained, he never failed to acknowledge and appreciate it. Because of this, she took infinite pains with her work.

 

(CAT) - SKILL-SETS DEVELOPMENT APPROACH

SKILL-SETS DEVELOPMENT APPROACH

DATA INTERPRETATION (DI) IS ALL ABOUT A SET OF SKILLS,WHICH IF YOU CAN IDENTIFY AND DEVELOP CORRECTLY,IS PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT TASK IN YOUR DI PREPARATION. THE LOW-DOWN

 

 

IN our last article in this series, we had written about the process of preparation for data interpretation (DI) and had advocated a two dimensional approach (skill development + exposure creation) in conjunction with four umbrella approach for the section — the four lines of preparation when you prepare for DI and LR sections of all management exams — these umbrellas being: traditional data interpretation; advanced reasoning based data interpretation; CAT type reasoning; non CAT reasoning.
   Today, we would like to focus on the skills development approach for DI preparation.
   The key point here is that DI is all about a set of skills, which if you can identify and develop correctly, is perhaps the most important task in your DI preparation. Even when you are continuing your question exposure work, the key issue is: ‘Are you able to identify the skill set and go through a learning curve on the same?’
   What we want to tell you here can be best explained by an example. Consider the following set of questions that had appeared in the DI section of the CAT 2007 paper. Remember that when you are solving this set you are playing for 20 marks in CAT-2007. The value of 20 marks in the paper can be understood if you look at it from the viewpoint that it would convert a 70 percentile to 90+ percentile and an early 90s score to perhaps a 99+ score.
   We would first ask you to try to solve this question set. Given the nature of this set of questions, it can be safely expected that most aspirants should be able to solve this with ease, especially those who are scoring over 70-80 percentile. The only thing that would differ would be the time dimension. While a 70 percentiler might take somewhere between 10-12 minutes to solve this, a 100 percentiler in DI would be able to attempt these in 5-6 minutes.
   Try this: A healthdrink company's research and development department is trying to make various diet formulations, which can be used for certain specific purposes. It is considering a choice of five alternative ingredients (O, P, Q, R, and S), which can be used in different proportions in the formulations. The table gives the composition of these ingredients.
   The cost per-unit of these ingredients is O: 150; P: 50; Q: 200; R: 500; S: 100.
   1. For a recuperating patient, the doctor recommended a diet containing 10% minerals and at least 30% protein. In how many different ways can we prepare this diet by mixing at least two ingredients?
   (1) One (2) Two (3) Three (4) Four (5) None
   Estimated time for a 100 percentiler to solve this: 5-10 seconds
   2. Which among the following is the formulation having the lowest cost per unit for a diet having 10% fat and at least 30% protein? The diet has to be formed by mixing two ingredients.
   (1) P & Q (2) P & S (3) P & R (4) Q & S (5) R and S
   Estimated time for a 100 percentiler to solve this: 30-40 seconds
   3. In what proportion P, Q and S should be mixed to make a diet having at least 60% carbohydrate at the lowest per-unit cost?
   (1) 2:1:3 (2) 4:1:2 (3) 2:1:4 (4) 3:1:2 (5) 4:1:1
   Estimated time for a 100 percentiler to solve this: 30 seconds
   4. The company is planning to launch a balanced diet required for growth needs of adolescent children. This diet must contain at least 30% each of carbohydrate and protein, no more than 25% fat and at least 5% minerals. Which one of the following combinations of equally mixed ingredients is feasible?
   (1) O & P (2) R & S (3) P & S (4) Q & R (5) O and S
   Estimated time for a 100 percentiler to solve this: 30 seconds

SOLUTION 1: OPTION 1

10% minerals is only feasible if we mix O & Q. Any other mix of two ingredients would not give us 10% minerals since one of the ingredients would contain less than 10% and the other would contain at max 10%. The average mineral in the mixture would always be less than 10 in such a case.

SOLUTION 2: OPTION 4

P & S are the cheapest ingredients. However both of them contain no fat. Hence, the second option can be ruled out. Since P is the least cost ingredient, we will try to use P maximum and any other ingredient only to the extent required to meet the constraints. Since P & S is not feasible, using P & O can generate the next lowest cost but that is not an option. Hence, we try the next cheapest combination possible, P & Q. This too will not be feasible since P&Q can never give us 30% protein.
   Hence option 1 is ruled out. Option 3 would give us a feasible mix if we use three units of P and one unit of R. The cost for four units of the mixture would be 50x3+500=650 and the average cost would be 650/4 = 137.5. We now need to check the remaining two options to see whether this cost can be beaten — and it is apparent that for the fourth option if we take a mix of Q & S in the ratio 4:1 the total cost for five units would be 600 and the average cost would be 120. It can be seen that the fifth option will give a higher value. Hence, Q and S is the ideal combination.

SOLUTION 3: OPTION 5

Objective obviously is to maximise P in the mix. Also, it can be seen that option 2 and 5 are the only possibilities (as no other option will give you 60% carbohydrates). Between options 2 and 5, the latter will always be cheaper. You do not need to check this.

SOLUTION 4: OPTION 5

O & P fails because of proteins, R&S fails because of carbohydrates, P & S fails because of Minerals and Q & R fails because of carbohydrates. Only O & S satisfies all conditions.
   By any standard, this set of questions would qualify as pretty simple in the context of the CAT exam. So, the key issue we need to consider is that of the time differential between a 100 percentiler in DI and a 60 percentiler in DI. Obviously a 100 percentiler is much faster in reacting and processing the information while solving the question, because his skill-sets in doing the same things is much faster. Perhaps an analogy to this can be taken from the domain of sports, in cricket, anyone can play a bowler throwing the ball at 50kmph, but it takes a person with special skills to face a bowler bowling 100 miles an hour.
   We would like to end by giving you a brief outline of the skill-set required for preparing for DI. The skill-set can be divided into two
dimensions:
Calculative skills: A function of your ability to add two digit numbers, your ability to multiply two digit numbers, your ability to calculate percentage values and your ability to compare ratios (big and small).
Mathematical knowledge based skills: Number systems-based skills (important for advanced reasoning based DI), venn diagrams, averages and alligations, progressions, percentages and ratios.
Focus on sharpening your skills in these areas and you should definitely be able to create a percentile jump in your scores.