The Best 50 of Murphy's Law

The Best 50 of Murphy's Law

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

***********

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

***********

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

***********

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

***********

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

***********

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

***********

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

***********

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

***********

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

***********

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

***********

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

***********

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

***********

All's well that ends.

***********

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

***********

The first myth of management is that it exists.

***********

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

***********

New systems generate new problems.

***********

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

***********

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

***********

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

***********

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

***********

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

***********

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

***********

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

***********

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

***********

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

***********

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

***********

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

***********

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

***********

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

***********

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

***********

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

***********

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."

***********

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

***********

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

***********

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

***********

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday.

***********

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

***********

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

***********

The only perfect science is hind-sight.

***********

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

***********

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

***********

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

***********

When all else fails, read the instructions.

***********

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

***********

Everything that goes up must come down.

***********

Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

***********

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

***********

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

***********

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

***********

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

 

 

LETTER TO PRIME MINISTER

Dear Mr. Prime minister
I am a typical mouse from Mumbai. In the local train compartment which
has capacity of 100 persons, I travel with 500 more mouse. Mouse at
least squeak but we don't even do that.
Today I heard your speech. In which you said 'NO BODY WOULD BE
SPARED'. I would like to remind you that fourteen years has passed
since serial bomb blast in Mumbai took place. Dawood was the main
conspirator. Till today he is not caught. All our bolywood actors, our
builders, our Gutka king meets him but your Government can not catch
him. Reason is simple; all your ministers are hand in glove with him.
If any attempt is made to catch him everybody will be exposed. Your
statement 'NOBODY WOULD BE SPARED' is nothing but a cruel joke on this
unfortunate people of India.

Enough is enough. As such after seeing terrorist attack carried out by
about a dozen young boys I realize that if same thing continues days
are not away when terrorist will attack by air, destroy our nuclear
reactor and there will be one more Hiroshima.

We the people are left with only one mantra. Womb to Bomb to Tomb. You
promised Mumbaikar Shanghai what you have given us is Jalianwala Baug.

Today only your home minister resigned. What took you so long to kick
out this joker? Only reason was that he was loyal to Gandhi family.
Loyalty to Gandhi family is more important than blood of innocent
people, isn't it?

I am born and bought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe
me corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar. Look at all
the politician, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, Bal
Thackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all are
rolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief minister
I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI every other day,
make money and send it to Delhi so Congress can fight next election.
Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI for fisherman so
they can build concrete house right on sea shore. Next time terrorist
can comfortably live in those house , enjoy the beauty of sea and then
attack the Mumbai at their will.

Recently I had to purchase house in Mumbai. I met about two dozen
builders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me
knows this and with all your intelligent agency & CBI you and your
finance minister are not aware of it. Where all the black money goes?
To the underworld isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas
to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have time
please come to me, I will tell you everything.

If this has been land of fools, idiots then I would not have ever
cared to write you this letter. Just see the tragedy, on one side we
are reaching moon, people are so intelligent and on other side you
politician has converted nectar into deadly poison. I am everything
Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Schedule caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Christian
Schedule caste, Creamy Schedule caste only what I am not is INDIAN.
You politician have raped every part of mother India by your policy of
divide and rule.

Take example of former president Abdul Kalam. Such a intelligent
person, such a fine human being. You politician didn't even spare him.
Your party along with opposition joined the hands, because politician
feels they are supreme and there is no place for good person.

Dear Mr Prime minister you are one of the most intelligent person,
most learned person. Just wake up. First and foremost expose all
selfish politician. Ask Swiss bank to give name of all Indian account
holder. Give reins of CBI to independent agency. Let them find wolf
among us. There will be political upheaval but that will better than
dance of death which we are witnessing every day. Just give us ambient
where we can work honestly and without fear. Let there be rule of law.
Everything else will be taken care of.

Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one
person or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?

Surf the Web via Email - Read Web Pages in your Inbox

If you work in an office where employees have no access to Internet but are allowed to send and receive email, the new Web-In-Mail service from Rediff will come very handy.

“Web In Mail” lets you fetch full web pages to your inbox by simple email commands. You may even perform searches on Google Web and Google Image through email.

Full HTML Web Pages Delivered to your Inbox

To browse a web page, send a blank email message to browse@webinmail.com with the page URL as the subject. If you like to search google, send an email to the same address but the subject should say google:query (e.g. google: how to impress your boss).

Also see: Most Useful Email Addresses

You can read emails in Outlook, Blackberry or any email client that understands HTML.

And there’s something smart about Web in Mail as noted by Allen Stern – it rewrites all the links in the web page as mailto. That means you’ll automatically launch a blank email message when you click any of the hyperlinks in the existing email.

To get started, why don’t you just send a blank email to browse@webinmail.com.

 

Six Steps to Stop Smoking

In Six straightforward and easy steps, you can stop smoking and live a normal and healthy life same as that of a non-smoker.

Step 1: Think About Quitting

According to a recent survey, around 15 million smokers try to quit smoking each day. However, less than 3% of these people stop smoking successfully for 3 to 12 months. If you're thinking about quitting or have stopped smoking but failed to quit, don't lose hope because smokers often try to quit more than once before they actually succeed.

In this section, you will learn about the history of cigarette smoking, facts about smoking, smoking cessation and benefits of quitting smoking. To give you a strong reason to quit smoking, this section will also tackle dangerous diseases – such as lung cancer, heart disease, strokes, diabetes, etc – caused by smoking cigarettes. In addition, this section will explain the reasons why it is extremely hard to quit smoking, hurdles in quitting and possible nicotine withdrawal symptoms that you may encounter throughout this process.

Step 2: Effects of Smoking

Years of clinical studies have proven that using Tobacco causes people to become sick, disabled or die. Since the first Surgeon General's Report in 1964, over 12 million smoking-related deaths have occurred. More than 500,000 deaths in the U.S are caused from smoking-related illnesses. Adult smokers reduce their lifespan by an average of 13 to 14 years.

In this section, you will learn about the dangerous effects and health risks of smoking. You will understand the facts about smoking addiction, the hazardous effects of smoking on a pregnant woman, on passive smokers, on your facial charm and on your teeth. You will also learn how stress could play a role in cigarette smoking. This section also deals with the effects on secondhand smoke, effects of smoking on vitamin A and C, dangerous effects of smoking on men and women, as well as the differences between cigar and pipe smoking.

Step 3: Preparing To Quit Smoking

The first key to quitting smoking successfully is planning and preparation. You need to prepare your body and mind before actually quitting. Determine your personal goals, discover your reasons for quitting and get rid of temptations that may become a hindrance to your stop smoking program. Tobacco smoke contains nicotine, a drug that is addictive and can make it very hard, but not impossible, to quit.

In this section, you will face the facts about nicotine addiction before your last stick of cigarette. You will learn the most effective steps to be followed when planning to quit smoking. You will also find out about the real reason why it is so hard to quit smoking. To help you plan your quit smoking program, you need to confront your personal reasons to start quitting and understand what you need to do stop smoking. This section also deals with the psychological recovery stages to stop smoking and provides helpful tips to quit smoking.

Step 4: Stop Smoking Tips

Even if you have no idea where to start and what to do, you can quit smoking as long as you have the mindset and commitment to do so. Stop smoking tips can help you create a good stop smoking plan and lifestyle changes that could lead to a healthier, smoke-free life.

In this section, you will learn some of the simplest ways and useful tips to quit smoking for good. You can choose from several psychological areas that can help you to stop smoking based on your lifestyle. This section also deals with stop smoking tips that will help your loved ones quit this deadly habit and tips on how to overcome nicotine withdrawal symptoms using an effective stop smoking plan, attending support groups and establishing a smoking cessation program.

Step 5: Stop Smoking Aids

When smoking cigarettes has played a large part in your life, quitting smoking may not be that simple. Fortunately, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved seven over-the-counter stop smoking aids – five of these help in managing nicotine withdrawal symptoms, while the other two help in reducing cigarette cravings.

In this section, you will learn about different proven stop smoking methods like Water Therapy, Psychological Therapy and Nicotine Replacement Therapy. This section also deals with other useful stop smoking aids such as nicotine nasal sprays, nicotine lozenges, nicotine inhalers, nicotine patches, nicotine gum and stop smoking pills.

Step 6: Stay a Quitter

After sometime, some quitters get back to their smoking habit due to temptation and persistent nicotine carving. Some may slip and puff "just one cigarette", while others experience total relapse. In fact, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, smokers who quit are at greater risk of relapsing in the first three months of becoming smoke-free.

In this section, you will learn effective methods in avoiding nicotine carvings, while training how to control urges through breathing exercises. To understand what you are going to experience through this process, you need to learn and manage nicotine withdrawal symptoms. This section also tackles steps to manage weight gain, discusses FAQ on common frustrations of a quitter, handle traumatic events without a cigarette and other possible solutions for ex-smokers.

 

Three envelopes

An Ode to the Tanking Economy...
 
A man had just been hired as the new managing director of a large high tech London-based corporation.

The previous managing director who was stepping down, met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but three months later, sales took a downturn and the new MD was really catching a lot of heat. It was then that he remembered the three envelopes.

He went to his drawer and took out the first one. The message read, "Blame your predecessor. "

The new MD called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous MD.

Satisfied with his comments, the press and the city responded positively. Sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

However, a mere three months later, the company was again experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product difficulties. Remembering the envelopes, the MD opened the second one. The message read, "Reorganize. " This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After two consecutive profitable quarters, the company again fell on difficult times. The MD went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

 

Leadership: Reinventing Failure: Designing Success

I am fascinated by problems. I like to think of myself as a solution oriented individual. However when problems creep into my life as they always do I know that I am in for a major learning experience.

I just finished reading a book this week that belongs on the bookshelf of every entrepreneur. It is called “Juice, The Creative Fuel That Drives World-Class Inventors by Evan I. Schwartz.” This book allows you to take a peek inside the labs of the brightest minds and better understand how they relentlessly question and discover the infinite number of ways that we can imagine and create solutions. The book is an awesome expose on how world class inventors on the planet search for problems, seek to understand them and develop solutions that can only come about by perceiving the problem in a different manner. Every entrepreneur should read this book! It is chock full of wisdom that we can apply to our business lives.

Albert Einstein once commented that the most fundamental question we can ever ask ourselves is whether or not the universe we live in is friendly or hostile. He hypothesized that your answer to that question would determine your destiny. I feel that most people have decided that the universe is hostile. In so doing their immediate response to any problem only compounds the hostility. However, the great minds always teach us that regardless of the problem there is a major lesson to be understood if we only learn to look for it. The history of the world is literally the history of transformative breakthroughs.

In the book ““Juice, The Creative Fuel That Drives World-Class Inventors by Evan I. Schwartz” the author clearly demonstrates that the one factor that separates world class inventors from wannabes is that they celebrate the feedback they receive from FAILURE. The most innovative minds recognize that within every failure lies the true and genuine information that is required to learn how to better understand the problem and overcome the obstacles that it presents. They are fascinated by the feedback they receive and are consistently focused on experimenting further because of the feedback that will provide.

A powerful lesson for all of us! Failure is feedback and within that feedback is the wisdom of incredible success. Or as Dr. Wayne Dyer as stated, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Take for example the story of Dean Kamen the inventor of the Segway, the two wheeled personal electronic vehicle that is revolutionizing transportation in our major cities. One day in 1990, Kamen witnessed a wheelchair bound man trying to navigate a curb en route to a shopping center. He followed the man into an ice cream store and was astonished at how the man struggled to reach for the counter and grab his ice cream cone. Within that experience Kamen was both outraged and inspired. The seeds of the Segway were born.

Two years later after numerous disappointments Kamen slipped on a wet bathroom floor and realized that the real problem he was confronting in his technology was one of balance. He and his team of engineers honed in on the enabling technology of electronic gyroscopes that could provide “automatic balance.” It was only after years and years of failure and celebrating the feedback he received that they could focus on the successful introduction of the Segway prototype. Today, according to Kamen the Segway is the answer to the urban transportation problem. 43% of the world’s gas is used by cars and almost 20% of individuals’ disposable income goes to car payments and gasoline. The market for the Segway is several billion people! A fascinating creation brought about by someone who simply disagreed with limitations imposed by the status quo.

What is your greatest problem in life right now?

What is the greatest problem in your business?

The late Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was fond of saying that, “When God wants to send you a gift he wraps it up in a problem and the bigger the gift that God sends you the bigger the problem.”

If the Segway can be born by witnessing a wheelchair bound man in pursuit of an ice cream cone what are the possibilities that can occur in your life if you learn to seek the lesson in your problems?

An Nathan Myrhrvold, the former Chief Technologist at Microsoft Corporation has prophesied “There’s never been a better time to have big ideas.”

Eureka! When you reinvent failure you design your own success.

Be Careful What You Agree With!

 

Firefox & IE Prompt You To Remember Passwords - Do You Say Yes ?

When you type a password into any web form, both Internet Explorer and Firefox prompt whether you would like them to remember your password.

If that’s a personal computer, chances are high that you will click Yes and the password is then saved in the web browser.

 

This “Remember Me” option in web browsers is useful but it actually puts your login credentials at serious risk especially in Firefox.

View stored passwords in Internet Explorer:

Though IE stores your passwords in encrypted form in the Windows Registry database, anyone can easily view your passwords using a free 35kb tool called IE PassView.

The tool automatically displays a list all auto-complete entries saved inside IE. See screenshot.

View stored passwords in Firefox:

With Firefox, it gets much simpler and anyone who knows how to use a mouse can see all your passwords stored inside Firefox.

The route is Tools -> Options -> Security -> Show Passwords. And there you have all the passwords that you ever asked Firefox to remember for you.

Even that short visit to a nearby coffee vending machine could leak your identity as all it takes is few seconds for anyone to view your secret passwords.

To keep yourself safe, uncheck “Prompt me to save passwords” in Internet Explorer and “Set Master Password” in Firefox.